So, I can only imagine what this is going to turn into.

fuck fuck fuck.

-fraz.

By the way, where is my mute button?? UGH.

Actually, my title poses a (moderately) interesting question:

Does elowel have a sex?

I mean, most people call their cars a she and the like... Well, nothing truly important. Just typical fraz-esque stream of consciousness.

First off, the kid needs to stop drinking. Not that I really drink often... but when I do, it's a goddamn shitstorm. I pride myself on being an expert cockblocker, but when I do it completely inadvertently because I'm so hammered I can't even pick up on obvious body language, that's not good. For the record, next time I see nate and mel I'm going to apologize and then offer to be their DD or something else lame. I seriously don't know how to walk in the pub and then walk out 4 hours later sober. When all of your best buddies are there pounding beverages, how on earth do you not follow suit? I mean, they have way higher tolerances than me, but pops didn't raise me to be a quitter!

Har.

Also yesterday was fucking awesome. Fantastic Mr. Fox was well, fantastic. I am so flippin' gaybones for wes anderson it isn't even funny. Gosh, I want to become a filmmaker just to select songs to go along with scenes like he does. He's like my... musical soulmate.

Even better than the movie was the company though.

All in all, great extended weekend.

I hope everyone was safe and had fun.

-fraz.

So, maybe I should institute a new rule for myself: Absolutely no talking to people past like... 11pm.

I think that would help me out greatly.

Actually, that's not right. I knew what the answer was going to be already... I was just dreading actually getting it.

-fraz.

Three faint shows in a row at the tiny as all hell Waiting Room!! Tickets go on sale in a couple of days.

every time i want to complain about Omaha, I go to either 1%'s or the slowdown's website and suddenly everything is better again.

Woo! I love this town.

-fraz.

Let's take a look at my career.

After dating me, one girl tried women for a year. I mean, really, I could blame that on just a silly college phase, right? Well, I could think that right up until speaking to someone last night.

Do to my idiocy/wussy-ness/jerkfulness, I found out another girl i was involved with has sworn off dudes after me. Actually, that's not specific enough. Sworn off dudes, sex, women, and most physical interaction. For two flipping years!

If this isn't a sign from God that I should chop my dick off and go live in a drainage culvert, I don't know what is. Ugh.

-fraz.

"Ladies Night" is absolutely everything that is wrong in america.

This is why I chose the bars we go to when we go out.

Middle-aged women trying to play 23 looking for free drinks kinda makes me contemplate murder. Just hush, walk away and let me go back to watching ESPN on mute while my buddies try to score a sugar mommma.

Blah. Lame night.

-fraz.

Just so we're clear, here.

I love you!

-fraz.

Email to pops didn't go as bad as I thought. Glad about that.

Dr. Stroud says I should try to acknowledge even the smallest victories in life. Since starting this, I've been feeling even more crushed than ever. I don't get this.

I need a day off. Just to go do something dumb or obnoxious.

-fraz.

I really wish my email had an unsend feature.

Going back and thinking about the past few years of my like is not unlike torture. I wish I was one of those people that could put the past behind them and keep pushing forward. Me, I feel like every bad decision is a set of reigns strapped to a boulder. I have the will to bite the bit and continue forward, but the weight of my choices has made progress nigh impossible. I talked to a few friends about what I'm struggling with and a couple of them suggested I go back to church and try God.

I don't really know what they mean when they say that.

Try God?

What, me getting baptized will suddenly fix everything? Besides, I've done/said horrible things in my few short years on this planet. If there was a God, he'd want absolutely nothing to do with me, and I wouldn't blame him in the slightest. The reality is simple. I'm a jerk and king douche. Always have been, always will be.

I'm gonna stop with the self-deprecation before this really gets ugly.

we are planning a costa rica trip though, which is wildly awesome.

-fraz.

The greatest best friendship in the history of ever is set to close. I feel like this is going to be the final coffin nail and honestly, I feel like crying or doing something ridiculous. Worst part is I can't even say anything I'd really like to say. This is my all time best friend that I'm losing here! I've gotta do something.

Blah.

-fraz