Current song: sleigh bells - comeback kid

I can't watch sad movies alone. Especially sad movies about alcoholics.

bawled during everything must go.

I like will ferrell when he's not playing himself. Does that make sense? what was the name of the movie he did with maggie gylen-however-the-hell-you-spell-it-hall? another good character for him.

i'd like to say more, but i'm completely irritated by prying eyes who deep googled me to find this page. That's some serial killer type stuff.

connor's band plays a show on wednesday. I'm looking forward to it. I kinda like the kid now that he's 21.

-fraz.

making big decisions.

knowing me, i'll drop everything in approximately 4 days.

let's see if I can actually follow through.

-fraz.

I can't really think of a new year's resolution.

I just wanted to give my future self a message.

Hey there, fraz. Just accept that you're always going to be an asshole. Try to be less dumb than you were last year. It shouldn't be too difficult. Quit ignoring the old man. Quit comparing yourself to him. Try to stop getting angry and taking it out on your clueless friends/family. Don't drink as much. Floss more. Most importantly, quit taking everything so freaking seriously.

lighten up! care about people as much as they care about you! you're not an island.

love,

fraz.

So, I'm strange. I have a tendancy to latch on to inane things. The smaller and more inconsequential something is, the more it bothers me. Much like a bulldog, once I clamp down on something, it is nearly impossible for me to let it go. Example: I hate it when males use the word outfit. I react like one might when they hear nails scrape against a chalkboard. I can't even really explain what it is about the word that infuriates me. I woman can use it all day and I'll simply ignore it.

Another one that bothers me endlessly are the people that overuse literally. Not even misusing it, but just folks that can say it more than once a day. Improve your vocabulary! It isn't that difficult.

I don't really have any reason to post other than showing the world that I'm clearly off my rocker.

-fraz.

this is not the song I should be listening to right before going out.

There's a storm on the horizon. I know it'll come regardless of my actions. Fuck keeping my head low.

-fraz.

For the record, I'm currently running through a field of gigantic sunflowers surrounded by rainbows and butterflies!

Ok.

It's funny, I always lose my shit when elowel goes down, but then I rarely post.

In any case, I'm super stoked that we're back in fighting form.

Currently reading 1Q84. Fantastic so far. I'm obsessed. I'm losing sleep because I keep going back and rereading passages instead of going to bed. I think I'm trying to delay getting to the end. Just today at work, I came across a particularly shocking moment and I almost shouted at it in the middle of my office. Then, I reread it again 3 more times. I never do shit like that.

By the way, I need suggestions for my next book.

I don't think I'm going to Louisiana for Christmas anymore. life sucks and then you fucking die. Already getting a bullshit passive aggressive move from one of my aunts. I wish everyone would lay off

Oh well. I get to go to Kansas City in a couple of weeks and watch my Packers obliterate the Chiefs! Funfunfunfun. I'm going to get so unbelievably that I might not make it back. Fuck growing up.

Mission for tomorrow: Laundry. Purchase a new hat. Pizza. Booze.

Girl problems. What's new? Over it. Didn't I swear off relationships like 6 months ago? And then again about 6 months before that? I'm an idiot that tends to somehow fall into relations with crazy people.

looking forward to a few shows. going to be a gnarly season.

-fraz.

current song: glassjaw - convectuoso.

Re-reading night for like the 18 billionth time.

Still sobbing uncontrollably.

It's strange. I'm a dude that has absolutely zero faith in a higher power and finds religion for the most part to be ridiculous. Despite that, I find Weisel's account of the horrors he experienced and the moment he lost his faith just murders me.

I mean, the holocaust was obviously horrible, but whenever I read this I'm more upset with the loss of his faith. Is it jealousy?

I remember when I used to go to church and watch other people lose their shit, I felt jealous. I wasn't ever moved by anything I heard or read. I guess I was a born cynic. I read fantasy novels as a kid. You try topping books with wizards and laser cannon wielding androids with biblical stories about people being able to sit in a fiery furnace without perishing. Yeah, androids and wizards are going to win every time. David Cross has a fantastic argument about the bible. Basically, he asks you to sit back and realize that the bible was written thousands of years ago by people even dumber than we are today. Think about that. People devote their lives to that shit? Madness.

The pastor of the church my parents go to is a fucking snake oil salesman. I don't get it. He's fucking transparent. Ugh. My ire is getting up.

Back to what I wanted to touch on.

As a kid in church, I did what my parents wanted and got baptized and memorized all the stuff I had to memorize and the like. I know Catholics get baptized at birth, but for my parent's denomination, you had to ask to be baptized yourself. I remember plenty of details from the day I resigned to going up to give myself to Christ or whatever. (see what I mean? such a cynic)

They took me to a room in the back of the church and asked me some questions
I had practiced my answers the week before because the old man told me what they'd ask. I stumbled over all of them because I was so nervous and uncomfortable. I felt like I was going to get caught.

I grew up in a big black church full of flamboyant characters that seemed to always want to outdo each other. One lady would start hollering, so then someone behind her would start dancing in the aisles. It would continue to escalate from there, with people shrieking and one time, actually passing out. As a little kid I was always terrified of these people. What on earth could possess them to act in such a manner? Does God have a special section of heaven for the shouters and dancers? As I got older, I stopped being frightened of these characters, and more irritated by them. They interrupted my naps, damnit.

tl;dr...

night is an amazing book, i'm a pathetic sobbing sally, church is dumb, my mom's pastor is a creep and a douche, and i wasn't brave enough to tell my family that I found church to be pointless and a waste of a perfectly good Sunday at age 10.

I'm going to hit up Jake's tomorrow and find myself a tasty new beer to try.

-fraz.

Current Song: Sonic Youth - Drunken Butterfly

Sonic youth's kim gordon and thurston moore have split up.

I am such a fuckhead for not going to that show when they came to Omaha. god damnit. FUCK.

I really hope the band stays together. they're my favorite. Stay together for the kids! (namely, me.)

Sad realization: I almost felt this bad when my parents told me they were splitting. That's probably not healthy. note to self: neeeeever mention this to the parents.

well, today sucks.

I guess i'll go visit Gomer. Hell, I'll probably just bum him out even more.

-fraz.

Current Song: M83 - Midnight City

Pretty excited for their new album.

Life has been pretty good recently. I haven't managed to piss off anyone in a while. At least, I don't think so.

I didn't get the new job. It sucks, but oh well. I'm a terrible interviewer, so my hopes were pretty low going in.

On my run yesterday, I went late. As I was charging up my final stretch up my absurd hill, I blindly tripped over the broken up sidewalk. Screwed up my knee really good. Awesome. The scab actually looks pretty cool though, so I won't complain.

Ok. Lets set a game plan for today.

cancel phone service
bookstore
work to find out about the gym discount and get paid
bank
fold week old laundry
call stephanie for that thing
run.

I got my Packers cap today! I'm excited. It's pretty.

Any suggestions on what books I should pick up? I'm trying to wait for Murukami's new novel, but I think it doesn't come out for another month. I need something to tide me over. Currently, I'm rereading about four different books, but I've read them all dozens of times. I can't pay attention to them anymore.

The latest new(ish) books I've read have been super sad true love story by gary shteyngart and let the great world spin by colum(sp probably, too lazy to check) mccann. I loved super sad, but wasn't too into let the great world spin.

forgot to post this earlier.

i should get some rest.

-fraz.

I'm running out of excuses to say no to her.

fuck.

this might actually happen.

Memphis? Anyone have any opinions on the area?

-fraz.